NYE for me

Well, seiring berjalannya waktu, ketika lo merasa bahwa cuma waktu aja yang berjalan sedangkan lo tetap berdiri di tempat yang sama, tak berubah sedikitpun kecuali bertambah tua, mau pergantian hari, minggu, bulan maupun tahun rasanya bukan sebuah hal yang lagi special buat lo. Melainkan sama halnya seperti saat lo menarik napas. Lo sudah terbiasa yang bahkan gak sadar setiap kali lo menarik napas. Begitulah yang gue rasain kurang lebih sejak gak tau kapan, yang jelas semua berubah. Gue cuma bisa melihat warna hitam, putih, dan juga abu-abu sekarang ini. Padahal dunia penuh dengan warna-warni yang bahkan lo gak tau nama semua warna di dunia ini, sampai novel yang lo baca memberi tahu lo ada warna “English Lavender”, you never know before and maybe you will never know at all.

Hidup ini bagi gue sekarang semudah menarik nafas dan mengeluarkannya, gue merasa “tau-tau udah Senin”, “tau-tau udah malem”, “tau-tau gue udah semester 5″ ,”tau-tau gue udah nikah(mungkin”. Well, gue gak terlalu pay attention sama hal-hal di hidup gue kecuali 3 hal, Waktu gue bangun, waktu yang gue habiskan sama orang disekitar gue dan walktu gue kembali untuk tidur. Tiga hal reguler yang selalu dan setiap hari gue lakukan. Ketika gue bangun, dan itu kesiangan, gue realize banyak waktu yang akan kebuang sia-sia, kemungkinan buat telat, macet dan lain sebagainya akan mengikuti dibelakangnya. Saat gue dirumah, sebisa mungkin gue pengen banget berasa kalo gue ada dirumah, komunikasi sama mamah, sama semua orang rumah, tapi tetep aja gue pasti lebih banyak menghabiskan waktu buat diri gue sendiri and I know how selfish I am. Gue kadang ignore orang rumah kalo lagi dirumah, gue itu ya begitu.

Gue pernah nyesel senyesel-nyeselnya dulu, gue inget gue sering ignore bokap gue kalo ngelongok gue dari pintu kamar gue, dan sekarang gue cuma bisa nyesel. Gue gak mau hal ini kejadian lagi, cuma gue tetep dititik yang sama sampai sekarang, selfish. Gue terlalu menikmati hidup dan kehidupan gue sendiri sampai-sampai gue gak engeh dengan orang-orang sekitar gue yang merupakan “kehidupan” gue sesungguhnya. Gue gak ngerti cara jalanin hidup menjadi “manusia yang pada umumnya” and in the end, I just found out myself back on my own gadget or laptop in my bedroom. No talking, just sat in front of it until I have to go back to sleep again.

Gue sebenernya pengen banget punya kegiatan diluar kamar gue, sama nyokap gue ngobrol, sama kakak-kakak gue dan keponakan-keponakan gue. Cuma, gue running out the time I guess. Gue bangun udah siang, nyokap udah selesai berkebun, keponakan gue yang gede udah berangkat sekolah dan yang kecil kadang ada kadang pergi sama ibunya dan kadang main ke tetangga, dan lagi gue telat, gue kehabisan waktu. Gue lalu cuma bisa menyesali kenapa gue buang pagi gue sia-sia dan gue cuma bisa menyesal, tiap harinya. Waktu gue sama nyokap yang benar-benar full adalah pas gue beranjak tidur, dan itupun kepotong juga karena biasanya nyokap udah tidur duluan dan gue? masih berkutat sama laptop gue dan akhirnya pagi yang sama pun terulang kembali, setiap harinya.

Kapan ya, gue bisa merubah kebiasaan ini, kapan dan gimana caranya? gue padahl lebih banyak ngabisin waktu diluar rumah dan ketika dirumah, gue layaknya orang yang ngekost, cuma numpang tidur doang. Gue berkali-kali bilang sama diri gue sendiri, gue harus berubah sebelum terlambat, terlambat? gue udah terlambat. But, gue at least try to do something recently. Trying to understand my mom with gardening, yeah, It kinda works for me. At least for now, when I am in holiday, NYE holiday to be exact. I bought some seeds online and well, It works, for now, and I hope it will work for sure. Gue gak berharap banyak, gue pengen punya hal yang bisa gue share bareng mamah, gue pengen bisa memulai pembicaraan sama mamah, nanya ini itu sama mamah, dan lain sebagainya sama mamah. I hope it will work, this kind of things, I will do my best. Gue pengen kebun mamah bukan cuma dihiasi pepohonan mamah dan bapak tapi gue ada pohon gue disana.

Edisi curhatnya ini bakal gue tutup sama lagu kesukaan gue saat ini, arti liriknya aja ya, karena lagu ini bagus banget dan merupakan ost dari Goblin.

Here they are:

Lasse Lindh – Hush

Through the endless daydream
I saw you on the way back
There I walked with you in my arms

Through the blurry darkness
Who’s veiling on the twilight
We’ve been far away from my fears

Somewhere else I’ll see you
Our days be like a blossom
Blooming all around you
so bright

By and by, I’ll miss you
and your laugh like a sunshine
Fading into shadow of tears

All around me is your light
With you, everything so shines
How come we’ll leave all behind?
Cause your love is falling on my heart
And I’m falling for you
Falling with broken wings again

Hush now, my angel
I will always be with you
In your pretty smile
in a glow of tears
Out across the frosty night
I’ll be there with you

Maybe someday
you’ll wake up alone without me
But don’t cry again,
I’ll be waiting here
Where the moon is on the rise
As the olden days

I could just go with you
between our time
Where they can’t find us
somehow

You could just come away
with me, out there
Where we could dream away
All day

Hush now, my angel
I will always be with you
In your pretty smile
in a glow of tears
Out across the frosty night
I’ll be there with you

Maybe you‘ll always breath in me
ever in my heart
All the little pieces of you
look how they shine above
Come away with me tonight
We’ll be dreaming away there

Maybe you‘ll always breath in me
ever in my heart
All the little pieces of you
look how they shine above
Come away with me tonight
We’ll be dreaming away there
Always

Source: https://popgasa.com/2016/12/13/lasse-lindh-hush-goblin-ost/

Ini lagu kedua:

Sam Kim – Who Are You

Where I am
Who I am
I’m trapped in this bitterness
A lot of people walked past me
This place is where everyone just walked past me
Where I am
 
Who are you
Who are you
I can’t hide this happiness
I flipped the world to find you
You who came into my dreams
Where are you
 
I will find you
I will reconize you
Despite where you are
Despite who you are
I will reconize you
 
I will remember
I will look at you
Even when you are not here
Even when many sunsets pass by
I won’t forget you
I will cherish everything your words to your expressions
 
The gloomy sky the silent clouds
I wonder why I am afraid of everything
The time I spend with you is slowing down
I hold your hand to stop it from parting away
I beg for life
 
I will find you
I will reconize you
Despite where you are
Despite who you are
I will reconize you
 
I will remember
I will look at you
Even when you are not here
Even when many sunsets pass by
I won’t forget you
 
When I hold you tight like this
I keep forgeting about everything
The place I have to return to
 
I will find you
I will reconize you
Despite where you are
Despite who you are
I will reconize you
 
I will remember
I will look at you
Even when you are not here
Even when many sunsets pass by
I won’t forget you
I will cherish everything your words to your expressions

Crush – Beautiful

It’s a beautiful life
I’ll stay by your side
It`s a beautiful life
I’ll stand right behind you
beautiful love
If I am with you under this sky
Just breathing alone makes me happy
It`s a beautiful life
beautiful day
I live in your memories
beautiful life
beautiful day
Stay by my side
beautiful my love
beautiful your heart
It`s a beautiful life
It`s a beautiful life
It’s a beautiful life
I’ll always protect you
It`s a beautiful life
So lean on me
beautiful love
Your tears, your smile
So we can be together
It`s a beautiful life
beautiful day
I loved you like crazy
beautiful life beautiful day
I don’t wanna lose you
beautiful my love
beautiful your heart
It`s a beautiful life
Memories that resemble you
Remain with me
Your memories, your recollections
It`s a sorrowful life
sorrowful day
I can’t win over sadness
sorrowful life sorrowful day
So don’t leave me
So I won’t live just in your memories
It`s a beautiful life

Punch & Chanyeol – Stay with Me

When I close my eyes
I see those eyes
 
My heart kept aching
So I wanted to forget
 
If this is a dream, please let me wake up
Are you really my destiny?
Falling you
 
Like destiny, falling
You’re calling out to me, calling
I can’t escape
Please hold me
 
Are you the line of my fate?
Are you the one I’ve been waiting for?
Why is my heart sinking?
 
(Stay With Me)
Are you living
Deep in my heart?
(Stay With Me)
The truth hidden in me
 
When I close my eyes
I see those eyes
 
My heart kept aching
So I wanted to forget
 
If this is a dream, please let me wake up
Are you really my destiny?
Falling you
 
My heart is racing
I’m still looking at you
Because I keep running out of breath
 
I’m still watching over you
From far away
Why am I being like this?
 
Different from the moment I first saw you
This time of fate is passing slowly
My heart was heading towards you
My heart was racing again
 
The faint light was turned off
But my eyes are lighting up again because of you
Feels like I’ve loved you from a long time ago
Feels like I’m being pulled by something
 
(Stay With Me)
Are you living
Deep in my heart?
(Stay With Me)
The truth hidden in me
 
When I close my eyes
I see those eyes
 
My heart kept aching
So I wanted to forget
 
If this is a dream, please let me wake up
Are you really my destiny?
Falling you
Semua lirik diatas gue ambil dari: http://lyricstranslate.com/en/goblin-ost-lyrics.html
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